i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm too high and old for this...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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