you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
