the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's always time for handjobs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
