u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
