just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
