Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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