id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
