I just cut my nipple shaving
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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