lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
