Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think people are normalizing furries
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
