Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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