My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
