Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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