Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
