I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
