smell my finger.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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