I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
