Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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