It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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