She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
