There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my poor anus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
