Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm at about main and main street
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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