I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
