Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
