I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
