My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
