**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
too bad you live with your parents still
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
