Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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