Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
