are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
