yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
