"it" just moved
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
