Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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