My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
