i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
