how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
