Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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