Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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