I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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