just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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