I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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