My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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