I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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