He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
