The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
