i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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