She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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