If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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