im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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