Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
